Diary Of A Spray Tanner: – Be A Pineapple. Stand Tall. Wear Your Crown

2018… The year that solidified my desire to just say
‘Eff this  – I’m going in harder”

Now for some, that statement might mean pooling all your lifesavings into a business investment, it might mean courses and advanced development, it could mean so many different things to us all.  For me…it really means going forward!

For you to understand properly I think I’m going to have to share something very personal that I have toyed with for a while wondering is there really a reason WHY I need to even regurgitate this back up. But I think I do.

Sometimes, we write to cleanse our own soul and sometimes it helps others. I’m guessing this could be a bit of both, just maybe this might help somebody else! 

My work ethic has always been very strong and something I have always been proud of. I don’t have a long list of Employers, I tend to hang around for a while. I have always been loyal, hard working and taken my role very seriously wherever I have worked. I come from a line of Blue Collar workers, living from week to week doing the best they could. Mostly Footwear and Textile industry workers.

My Grandparents had a shoe factory in the heart of Fitzroy. A hard working suburb of Melbourne, where there were heaps of textile and footwear factories. My Dad worked there when he was younger but after a family tiff he left and became a Manager for another company in the same industry. As a teenager he started out as a Carpenter but of course shoe manufacturing was in the blood! 

A few more years passed by and Dad decided it was time go out on his own. He knew what was required, he understood the industry and he had a family to feed. I was so used to him working for himself I suppose I was a bit blaze’ about it all.

He had up to 15-20 employees and the shoe business was good. It was steady.  He had a mixture of clients, some had been around for many years, some had only been in business a few years and some were just starting out. He looked after Tony Bianco (lovely hard working guy who was a chain smoker), Windsor Smith and others that you’d know of. Big names these days.

Manufacturing was heading further offshore, cheaper made ladies shoes were hitting the shops and Dad was owed money from some of his clients. I think some bad management in there too. I was around the manufacturing of ladies footwear all of my childhood right up until I was 17 years old. Then it stopped.. it was all over.

My parents were already separated at this stage and my two younger sisters and I lived with Mum. Times got tougher and the banks stepped in. We lost our family home, the only home I knew for the 17 years of my life. What a SHIT time that was.  A For Sale sign went up and the scavengers hovered trying to grab a bargain. Neighbours came out to watch, gave them all something to gossip about meanwhile we sat in our backyard waiting for the real estate agent to come in to tell us it was sold. All over red rover. Family home is now gone!

The reason why I have shared this is because it really did affect my ‘risk bone’. I played safe, always had a job, worked hard, you don’t go from one job to another without having a job to go to right…I mean that’s how my generation was brought up. After the family home was sold our little family broke up and it was time to start adulting. Now there’s another interesting story but that’s for another time.

Fast forward another eight years and I met the man of my dreams. In love, married, had three babies within four years and a stay home Mum – life revolved around my family. That was how we wanted it to be. It was a financial struggle, big struggle, but we managed. I could make ANYTHING out of mince meat!!

Taking risks wasn’t in me. I had too many responsibilities. I had to be responsible from a young age and that was just the way it was. So I kept on being responsible. 

Going into business for myself scared me. Nope…not gonna do it. Eventually, I started Spray Tanning and I loved it. My Salon went gangbusters for quite a few years but I felt there was more I knew I could offer. I wanted to educate people. Tanning was my happy place. In 2017 The Tan Merchant evolved and The Original Tan Towel was born. I felt good. It felt good to help other women feel amazing. I found my thing!

March 2018 was the year our baby, The Original Tan Towel was showcased at Beauty Expo Melbourne.  2018 was by far one of my most challenging yet amazing years. I had to learn new things, challenging things, hard things, techy things… just bloody things! It was hard to keep up with it all. I struggled. I cried. I swore. I hated it. I crashed. I wasn’t enjoying it. Things have changed though.

At this time I was also working with a Plastic Surgeon. It was fun, we were all like family, we laughed everyday, we played, we joked, we sang, we did life together. I was there for nearly 12 years. Until one day it all changed. The company dynamics and structure changed and it was time to move on.  A hard pill to swallow when this was my safety zone. I knew my job back to front, I could do it with my eyes closed. As things were changing dramatically during the restructure I decided it was time to move on. So I did… without a job to go. Eeek!

I hear the words screaming out at me, YOU have RESPONSIBILITIES. Yep I sure do. I have a start up Company to continue to grow and develop and I also have bills, mouths to feed, school fees to pay, BLAH BLAH BLAH. But this is where I’m going to wear my crown and be a pineapple. I’m in this game. I’ve got it. I’m here to keep growing, developing, learning. I want it all. I’m taking it all. I want to know more and I’m so hungry for it. The Tan Merchant products will be in Salons Australia wide very soon.

For someone like me who was scared of those ‘adulting risks’ it’s all about testing the waters and dipping in the toes. You wet your feet a bit and it feels good, a bit weird but good. Ok so it’s up to your knees but hey It’s not so bad.

Keep learning, watch those tutorials, keep developing, ask for help, talk to people, network with other like minded people, google shit, do courses, read blogs, google more shit and just grow, grow grow. Keep going forward!

Man it feels good to be a pineapple, even better when you add your own flavour.

That was Diary Of A Spray Tanner.

To Sensational Tanning,

Kellie ‘The Tanpreneur’ 

Diary Of A Spray Tanner: – Does My Bum Look Big In This?

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse….

Seriously that ain’t gonna happen in my house that’s for sure! My Christmas Eve never pans out like a fairytale or a Christmas poem. It’s generally something like this.

  1. Back to back tanning appointments right up until the last minute and then head to the shops with tanned hands that are so bad, I look like I’ve been a smoker for 80 years!
  2. Usually still Christmas shopping until lights are out and looking like a mad woman who’s fluffing around Westfield like the gumboot shuffler Cliff Young!
  3. My make up is left on from the day before, way too busy to even wash it off so it will have to do as I face the horrendous crowds with my fake smile.
  4. Cursing to myself as I do the “What will I buy wander” AGAIN.
  5. Wishing that I was finished and organised like other Mums who seem to be all sorted by September! WTF…
  6.  Wandering through the carpark holding back tears at the thought of having to wrap all this $h!t now…. waaaa waaaa !!

After all of that chaos and finally taking a breath (insert a couple of Baileys on ice) I start preparing bits ‘n’ pieces that I’ve been delegated for the Christmas day food triathlon. Bugger…. I haven’t even thought about what I’ll be wearing.

“Hun can you check the weather for me please” bellows out from the depths of the wardrobe praying that it won’t be another hot Aussie Christmas day.. shit I haven’t shaved my legs either.

Hubby shouts out “They just said it’ll be 38 love. “Ohh Merry Effing Christmas” somehow just blurts out of my mouth!

I’m too exhausted to shave and spray myself sexy Christmas chocolate tan so I have to play another game of hide and seek. For those willing to play along at home this is where you use a self tanner or a quick bronzer and just slap it over the areas that are there for the viewing!

A babydoll dress will have to do, I think it needs an iron too… a pair of 3/4 leggings and thongs. Done. Sorted. Ta Daa. What evs! Over it. Are we there yet.

Just a side note if you are out with the girls and hoping to meet a lovely guy. If things venture past a coffee and a chat don’t even bother if you played hide and seek that night. He probably won’t call you because he’ll think you’ve got baggage.

He’ll judge you thinking you can’t decide if you’re all in with the tan, happy or unhappy and have trouble making decisions. Just a tip I thought I’d pass on from a friend… she’s still single BTW.

So my advice for this busy period… well it’s clear Christmas shopping won’t be my hot topic, but make sure you do put aside a little Me-Time. Life is heckers this time of year and clearly we are very capable Wonder Women but take care of yourself and book in those little things that make you feel human!

I’m putting in my iphone calendar now to shave on the 23rd December and tan on the 24th. I’ll check in again this time next year to let you know how I go.


That was Diary Of A Spray Tanner.

To Sensational Tanning,

Kellie ‘The Tanpreneur’ 

Diary Of A Spray Tanner: – Sex Hall Pass


I ain’t no Sexpert but it’s time that someone brought this up. Stay with me on this one ladies.

Picture this scenario. It’syour tanning night. It’s YOUR night. You’re probably planning on not doing a whole lot because earlier in the day you were a little pale caterpillar and you’re about to transform into a very beautiful tanned Butterfly Goddess.

Fast forward a few hours and it’s bedtime. You’ve just rinsed of your cosmetic bronzer and the tan is developing. You know tomorrow you’ll look SMOKIN HOT🔥

Lights are out and then KAPOW !!

Your significant other is feeling the love. Or should I say… he wants to. There’s a tap on the shoulder and your natural instinct is similar to that of a Mummy Magpie protecting her babies.

You go in for the swoop, grab the hand that’s on your shoulder and flick it away so hard that you’ve just about bent his arm backwards!


Doesn’t he know the 11th Commandment ?? Thou shall not get hot & sweaty so back off.
Ain’t nobody got time for that ! So… Sex is definitely not a great idea on tanning night.

Apart from the obvious stated in the 11th Commandment, I guarantee all you’ll be thinking about is “If my tan is ruined I’ll kill him !” 

In a nutshell, your spray tan is your Hall Pass. I think you’ve got the picture !

That was Diary Of A Spray Tanner.

To Sensational Tanning,

Kellie ‘The Tanpreneur’